Dear Doris, I knew having a baby would change my body, my sleep, my priorities - but I wasn’t prepared for how it would kill my sex drive. It's been 8 months and I'm still not feeling desire in any way! I love my partner, but by the time the baby is finally asleep, the last thing I want is to be touched. I really miss sex, but my body doesn’t seem to cooperate, and I worry my partner thinks I don’t care anymore. How do I get my desire back when I barely recognize myself these days? Frustrated...
19 days ago • 4 min read
Dear Doris, I love my partner, and I know they love me too - but if I didn’t initiate, I swear we’d never have sex again. It’s not that they don’t enjoy it when we do, I think, but they never make the first move. At first, I told myself they didn’t realize I wanted them to initiate more. But after countless hints and even pulling back for a week to see if they’d step up (they didn’t), I’m starting to wonder… don't they care about my needs? Am I not attractive anymore? It makes me feel...
26 days ago • 4 min read
Dear Reader, Over the next few weeks, I'd like to try my hand at my version of a "Dear Sugar"-esque intimacy and relationship column. The questions are a mix of case studies from my past and current certification programs, conversations I've had with friends and clients, as well as submissions from this anonymous form I've had up on my socials for a few months now: https://forms.gle/Z5jpSRsjeJ7AZmRd6 Everything is anonymized; I even removed gendered language as much as possible. If you have a...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, What if relationship struggles weren’t a sign that something was wrong—but a sign that something was trying to grow? In their Developmental Model, Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson describe relationships as living systems that evolve through predictable stages. Just like individuals, couples need to grow, adapt, and differentiate to stay healthy. When they don’t, they get stuck, which often leads to disconnection, resentment, and painful cycles that just repeat over and over...
about 1 month ago • 6 min read
Dear Reader, Last week, we talked about how one way dominant extraverted Feeling Types (Fe; ENFJ, ESFJ) may show up authentically is by putting their own needs on the back burner for the sake of keeping a relationship. In other words, attachment often is the authentic choice for Fe Types. We also mentioned that over-relying on one function is the mark of youth, and can spell the end for a relationship. Today, I’d like to explore how Type can help you expand your options to show up...
about 2 months ago • 7 min read
Dear Reader, When I was 22, I started going out with a boy. It was the second semester at uni, we lived in the same halls of residence, and although we didn’t study the same subjects, our friend groups naturally overlapped. In one of those early friendly get-togethers, he talked about someone he had dated, and of how little significance that relationship had been. I distinctly remember thinking, "if I ever go out with this boy, he will not be talking about me in that way." We did go out, and...
about 2 months ago • 4 min read
Dear Reader, I was never interested in politics. I always wanted to be the kind of person who would read a whole newspaper from start to finish, including all the high-brow segments smart people could reference so effortlessly. News, both local and international, business, science, books, plays, interior design, travel… alas, it was never to be. And just like Bridget Jones started to accept herself once Darcy said he liked her just as she is, I, too, have long made peace with the fact that...
2 months ago • 5 min read
Dear Reader, We arrived in Germany at the end of October and are flying over to Spain next week. This move has been, and in many ways continues to be, logistically complex and legally complicated. All the while, global events are demanding attention. Friends, I don’t know about you, but I’m trying really hard to figure out how to best handle it all without throwing my hands in the air and giving up. Luckily, Carl Jung has a quote for that. From his autobiography, Memories, Dreams,...
4 months ago • 3 min read
Dear Reader, Like I mentioned in my personal update, we left the USA at the end of October. As expected, saying goodbye to my friends was hard and tearful. Most of them said, “who knows, you might be leaving at the right time.” I clearly did not have my finger on the pulse, because I thought for sure the Democrats were going to win. Now, writing from Germany, where the moderate government coalition has recently disbanded and new elections are on the horizon, where the right-wing party has...
5 months ago • 4 min read