“Smart Romantic” is a term I’ve come up with, because I was looking for a way to describe a modern kind of romantic who wants a committed, loving relationship (or two, or more), and knows from personal experience that “the one”, perfect partner, happily-ever-after is a myth.

Someone who probably has some heartbreak scars, but is also at a point where they want to better understand the part they played in hurting someone else (and how they've hurt themselves).

Someone who is already self-aware-ish, but knows there’s always more to learn more about how they can grow and adapt to make their current or next relationship even better: more loving, more exciting, more supportive - whatever that “more” looks like for them.

These are some of their main characteristics:

Smart romantics practice Self-awareness.

They understand who they are, what makes them tick, what ticks them off - and if they don’t, they’re curious, open, and ready to find out. This self-awareness helps them differentiate between what is theirs and what they’re projecting onto their partner, but it also helps them adapt their style to meet their mate and collaborate effectively.

Smart romantics are Mature

I don’t necessarily mean they’re mature in the number of years (although most probably are), but in terms of mindful development. Smart romantics don’t play games, they don’t set ultimatums, they don’t manipulate to get their way or inflict pain on purpose out of revenge. They also know that they’re not perfect and have accepted - or are working on accepting - their flaws.

Smart romantics practice Authenticity.

Because they know who they are, smart romantics are genuine in their interactions with others. They value transparency and vulnerability, and they’ve learned that pretzeling yourself into someone your partner wants you to be isn’t a good long-term strategy.

Smart romantics practice being Realistic

Smart romantics know that relationships get messy, people change, and people make mistakes. Sometimes, even love isn’t enough to keep us from hurting one another. But expecting bumps in the road helps us prepare for them, and when we take responsibility for our feelings and actions, we can practice repairing the little cracks before they bring the whole house down.

Most of all, realistic smart romantics know that this is an ongoing process, which is why it’s so important to have a partner who’s willing to do the maintenance work with you.

Smart romantics practice Transparency... to a point

Because they value authenticity in themselves and others, smart romantics have excellent communication skills, or at least the desire to practice and improve them. They are honest in asking for and giving out feedback, and skilled in setting loving boundaries.

You’ll notice I’ve used the word practice to describe these characteristics; that’s to acknowledge that it’s all a work in progress, and some days will be better than others. Being a smart romantic isn’t about some level to achieve, it’s a state of mind where we explore ourselves and our partners with curiosity and kindness.

Which one of these do you already feel confident in, and which ones are you finding a little more difficult?

Also, if this sounds like you, or like something you’d like to learn more about, I’d love to talk to you. Here's a link to schedule a free 30-minute curiosity convo (no coupon required) where we can chat and get to know one another.

Cheers,