Dear Reader,

last week I was quiet, because I was fully concentrating on my "Happier, Healthier Relationships with Type" session for the APTi (more on that below), and this week I was almost going to be quiet, because life was life-ing... but I want to get better at sharing whatever comes up, so here we go.

As you may have heard, Monday saw a major power outage in mainland Spain, Portugal, and parts of France. I didn't even become aware of it until later in the afternoon. But I soon learned that the Canary Islands are on a separate power grid from the mainland, which is usually a disadvantage because it’s less stable. It was an advantage on Monday, because we didn’t lose power. We were, however, affected by the telecommunications outages. For several hours in the evening and into the night, there was no internet and zero possible phone calls, not even to the emergency services. We drove back over to the in-laws and listened to the car radio where announcers interviewed reporters from each of the provinces.

In the end, it wasn’t a big deal, most everything was pretty much restored back to "normal" within 24 hours. But I'm not going to lie, for a minute there I was wondering if this is how and when the next world war starts. And it's getting harder to ignore what it would mean in the worst case scenario: If the power goes out indefinitely, we’re screwed. No lights, no means of food prep or food conservation, no alarms, no safety, no way to get cash out of the banks or buy anything... If the internet and communications go down indefinitely, what good would all our online “content” be? Or the “smart” appliances in our home? Or our bank accounts? Would money even still have meaning? Many people were calmly enjoying some tapas in the street bars, but how long until mass panic would have set in?

I have been trying to avoid paying attention to it, but “collapse awareness” is pushing itself into consciousness. I always thought preppers were nuts, but maybe there’s something to having a paper map and canned foods and candles and matches and a radio around, you know? We’re living in thoroughly weird times, and this is just one of those weeks where writing a newsletter feels a little silly.

Except... I was so excited to share about that APTi session. It had all the best aspects of online workshops, people were engaged and participated and chatted and shared so generously of their experiences. I was SO THRILLED to be reminded that there is a community of Type aficionados where we can all be who we are without having to overly explain ourselves and still feel like we belong and people just get it. Maybe not the kind of practical community that will help get us through a power outage, but certainly one to nourish the soul.

I was going to write further into one particular thing, but will save it for another time. Here's a quick overview with an invitation for you to explore these questions for yourself.

To the questions,

• Thinking back to your childhood, what kind of relationships did you see modeled by e.g. your family members or favorite TV shows?
• Which were considered “good” and “right”, which were considered “bad” and “wrong”? What made them so?

participants mentioned a few broad themes:

• parents neither argued nor showed much affection in front of the kids
• parents endeavored very much to keep up appearances like the happy families on telly
• TV shows also inspired and supported progressive, liberal views
• children were supposed to be seen, not heard and reflect well on their parents
• growing up where own Type wasn’t nurtured caused some to feel out of place
• staying together (i.e. not divorcing) was a big deal and measure of success

To the questions,

• What are the most important criteria for happier, healthier relationships FOR YOU RIGHT NOW?
• To what extent are they influenced by your Type vs. your biology, upbringing, and current societal standards?
• How does/could your dominant cognitive preference support you in making these criteria a reality? Where does it get in the way?

we broke up into dominant function attitude groups, and the extraverted Feeling peeps (6 of 'em!!) came up with the following (excerpt):

• Open communication
• Trust is key
• Similar values or some overlap in values
• Some pushback/don’t always be in agreement = stimulation in intellectual, spiritual or other spheres
• Confident enough to be vulnerable
• Understanding and accepting of differences rather than focusing on right vs wrong
• Striving for growth
• Loving yourself/working on your own personal growth
• Spouse supports your growth
• Letting things go is important.

As moderator I stayed out of the breakout rooms, but all of the points resonated with me. We didn't really have time to go into a lot of detail about how the dominant function helps or hinders, and in hindsight maybe splitting people up by temperament / Essential Motivator(TM) would have been more productive - but that's something we might be discussing in the forums. :-)

So, friends, I hope this reaches you safe and sound, and I'm sending virtual hugs to each and every one of you.

Much love,